Anguish, solitude, and social media (@jacksdavie)

In preparation for writing about 1 and 2 Samuel, I re-read them on my Kindle over the course of a Saturday, trying find an angle to write about that was unique to me. As it happened, time disappeared through illness and fatigue, and I ended up not posting anything at all last month. The intention was, to write this post last month, then tweak it this month and forward it straight to Bex. Predictably, this didn’t happen either, and I find myself writing this all in a rush. Fellow bloggers, do you find there are days where the words are flowing so fast it is difficult to write or type fast enough to keep up? Of course, there are many other days where no words will come.

Overflowing emotion…

As I was reading 2nd Samuel in particular, it struck me how David continued with his faith even in the wildness, in hiding, and in solitude. Apart from his men, he would have had no fellowship to speak of, and nothing to freshen his soul other than what God revealed to him. David’s song (2 SAM 1: 17 ff.) in honour of Saul and Jonathan’s passing, his grief, and his refusal to celebrate, struck a chord with me. Even in such circumstances, he was continuing to pour out his heart to God, refusing to let his torment keep him silent. When in deep anguish, I find it difficult to do the same. If annoyed, or fired up about something, it will usually find its way into a blog post at the time, and sometimes if I am especially struggling a tweet or FB post, asking friends for prayer about something specific. I am fortunate to have one or two close friends to talk to when times are tough.

However, I found myself in a situation where, during one night last week, out of nowhere, anguish poured out of every pore. I screamed, shouted, and screamed some more, unable to keep any of it inside any longer. I do not know how long it continued, but quite quickly, even in the midst of it all, as David did before me, I found I knew for sure God was with me, and he was on my side, hurting with me as he must surely have done for David each time he suffered at the hands of an enemy, be they a human enemy, a depressed spirit, or unbridled emotion.

Learning to be alone…

In an effort to process what happened, and find out what and why, I have let myself have lots of time on my own, to recover from how draining it all was, and to learn from it in solitude, away from social media, and away from writing anything new. Now the anguish is out of my system, I find I am learning afresh about God’s grace being sufficient even in times of great need, and how sometimes it is more important to be alone with God in quiet reflection, rather than reflecting with others. I have found, in place of all that emotion is rest, and peace, and once again, a willingness to share with others. I wonder when the last time was that you were totally alone with God. When did you last take a break from all things social media to rest? Or pour out your soul to God in quietness, without the temptation to ‘over share’ with others? I’ve certainly been challenged over the last week or so to rely on social media less, and aloneness and quietness more. It’s a difficult balance to strike, given most of my social life is online, however, I am determined to learn where that balances lies, and stick to it, seeking only the rest only God can provide in the times in between. It may be rather trial and error but it is something I must learn.

About jacksdavie

Am enthusiastic about sharing my faith and have plenty opportunties to do this throughout my my week in person or online. I use three different sets of wheels to get around, most often my electric wheelchair and am also chronically ill. By God's grace I am carving out a ministry in the midst of it all between hospital appointments and naps.