#BIGRead14: Hatred (Read by Kate Martin)

The_Secular_World

Sometimes it happens.
I respond
as I should not.
I react.
I tense up.
I go hot or, maybe,
cold.

When I have seen carelessness or
cruelty or the
abuse of power or
arrogance in action
and I have seen people hurt.
People like me.
Even me.

To call it anger is true – but
it is more than anger.
Anger is like an espresso:
bitter, short and with a kick that
enlivens.

This is something stronger. It is
Hatred.
Yes, capital ‘H’.
It is a bitter cup, to be sure.
But it is long and its effects are slow.

Hatred.
It has found a home in me.
Wormed its way through my better self
and into my soul to lay its poisonous
parasitical spawn.

I feel it growing.
I feel it gnawing.
I feel it rising within.
It controls my heartbeat.
It sours my countenance.
It grips my voice, making some things
impossible to say;
adding a sneer where a smile is needed.

Deliver me of this pernicious pregnancy
of my person.
Break its grip on my
vitality.
Smash its growing control of
my being.
Deal violently with this hatred of mine.
Turn it against itself.
Let it rant if it must.

Take its force, O Thou,
crucified one.
Take its dark, dark passion.
Take its pain with each damned nail.
Impale it on your tree.
Let the ones I hate go free.
Teach us how to live in thee.

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