#BIGRead14: Joy (Read by @partakers_dave)



I have a sinking feeling
that when I look back over my
life, from the distance of great years,
or the moment when I know the crash will be
fatal, or the seconds when the heart beats
its own destruction, or stroke
blanks the mind, or while watching the dread
film of life as salt water
fills my lungs . . . that, on reflection,
my life had a deficit of

The feeling comes not on the bad days, not
on the days of hard work, straining effort,
not on the days where compassion is stretched, nor even
on the many days of ordinary failure.

It comes on the days of sunlight,
on the days of getting things right,
on the days of deepest delight,
on the days of clearest sight.

Where does it come from, this melancholic
demon of the sublime, this dangerous undercurrent of
exaltation, this gravitational pull on the
spirit, this unbearable heaviness of

I see dogs running in the field: why can’t I run with them,
alive in the moment?
I hear the sound of children at play,
and know that the abandon of playtime is
in my past. the scent of sage comes powerfully
as I crush the leaf, capturing me for a second,
but releasing an inchoate,
unfocused longing. Warmed by the sun my muscles
relax, and then immediately
tense, just
in case.

Elusive, ungraspable joy, let me
glimpse you once more, unreflectingly,
thoughtlessly, timelessly; catch
me unawares and keep my busy­-mind
at bay.

Unpredictable, undemanding joy, let me
dissolve into your abundant
sufficiency, your limitless
expansiveness, your eternal,
redemptive fullness.

Limitless joy, release me from self­-reflection;
release me into easy
joy; release me into Easter joy, the joy of no
where tomorrow is

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